I want you to know that I am very proud of you. You make me very happy. Good dog.

At Sig Ep, they brought me Rikki, and you were the most beautiful puppy. You grew up into a good dog. And funny. Why does Rikki do the things Rikki does? I know you were probably not trying to be funny, but the way you did things made me smile, and that made me happy. Thank you, Rikki.

Rikki likes running, and I like running with Rikki. Where's the bunny? Get the bunny, Rikki. I never figured you would actually get the bunny, but it was fun watching you try. Like in so many things, you combined fury with forethought. Did you know that people try very hard to be those things that you were naturally?

And loving. But before you were my dog, when you were Sig Ep's dog, I put my hand on your side as you were walking by and you growled at me. Did you ever remember that with shame after you became my dog? If so, it was OK, Rikki. Good dog.

When did you decide you were my dog? Is it just because I fed you, or was it something else? Was it when I opened a door for you? Was it when you woke up in my room one morning and liked having me there?

Which did you like better: Dartmouth, Reserve, Indiana, or California? I think it was probably in Ohio when you did the most running; is that right? Do you remember the summer that I drove away to work every day and left you outside while I was gone? What did you do those days? Go exploring, or lie and wait for me? You know how you always waited by my car because you knew that I would come back to the car? You could have gone to any door of the building, and I would have found you when I came home, because I'd be looking for you. I love you very much.

In California, did you like being able to go outside all the time? What did you do while I was at work? I always found you on my bed. Is that because it was softer than anything else, or because you thought that anyplace I went must be really good?

I'm sorry that some things I did were not all OK for you. When I trimmed your nails, or took you to the vet, or fed you something that you didn't like. I was always trying to make you happy, but I don't think you always understood that. I punished you too hard when you were first my dog, and I was mad because you killed a groundhog. I should have been more nice to you. Rikki never did anything that made me not love her. When you ran away after an animal and I yelled, I was mad, but I still loved you. Good dog.

You know how whenever you had a problem you tried to fix it by offering someone your paw? That's what I was trying to do when I was helping you. It didn't always work. I'm not as much smarter than you as you thought.

And sometimes you looked at me like you wanted something, and I didn't know what it was. I'm sorry. Did I pet you enough? I worried sometimes that when I sat across the room from you without paying attention to you that I wasted some time I could have been with Rikki. I'm sorry. If I bumped or kicked you while I was asleep, and you got out of my bed because you thought I was mad at you, I wasn't mad. It was an accident. I love Rikki. Good dog.

I'm sorry I went away sometimes. I went away to see people, or to go to work, or to see places I think I had to see. I found the best people I knew to take care of you when I went. You worried that I wouldn't come back, but I always did. And I always knew I would. I wanted to tell you not to worry. When I was on the other side of the ocean without you, and you were thinking about me, I was thinking about you, too. Just like now.

When you were getting sick in the stomach, I hope it didn't hurt too bad. Those times I took you to the vet, I was trying to fix your problem. I knew, though, that one day, you would have a problem I couldn't fix. I couldn't help that, Rikki. It happens to everybody. The problem with your stomach and the problem when you got tired from walking. Something like that happens to everybody. It will happen to me. Those were the things that got you, Rikki. Nobody meant for those to happen. It didn't mean you weren't a good dog.

You know what it means to be proud, don't you, Rikki? When you jumped over something and jumped farther than you had to. When you walked so nice on the leash. When you sat up straight and looked around the room. That's "proud". Well, I was proud of you, too, Rikki. Somebody once told me that a person gets the dog they deserve, and it made me very happy because you were such a good dog; it meant that I must be good, too.

Do you remember when we ran in Vermont, and a big dog came out, and it was scared of you and I together? We were a good team. I love you.

I'm sorry you had a bad day last Sunday. I walked you too far, and that was it. You headed back to the house, but it was too late. Maybe I could have carried you, but you seemed so tough I didn't think you needed that kind of help. I didn't know the look in your eye when you were on my bed. I was starting to get scared. Then, when you were on the couch, I thought you would be all right. But something hurt inside, didn't it? I tried to help you as fast as I could, and I know you hurt and were scared. Did you feel me holding you at the vet, when your tongue came out of your mouth and you couldn't move? Did you feel me holding you? Did you hear me say, "Good dog"? Did you hear me say "Sleepie"? You went to sleep then.

I won't see you again for a long time, Rikki. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you, and I'm sorry for me. You have to be strong now, like you always were. But your stomach won't hurt anymore, and you won't get wobbly, and those were the only things that ever kept you from being strong.

I don't know where you are. I hope you are somewhere with good food, with chicken, and tuna, and beef jerky. I hope there are rabbits there for you to chase. Or maybe you want there to be no rabbits at all. Whatever you like. But if you can run, you should go running. Run until you're hot, and then jump into cold water and wade, sucking the air in through your nostrils as you glide along just above the water's surface. Then get back on land, shake yourself off, and lie in the grass to dry off. Lie there breathing hard. Eat some more, and when you're ready, go for another run. And be happy, because you're a good dog. When you run alone, pretend I am there, because I am with you when you can't see me. If you wonder if I would approve of you, Rikki, don't wonder, because I would. You can run whichever way you like, and it will be good. And I don't know about this, either, but if I get to see you again one day, I'll come walking up to you, and you'll see me in the distance and get excited, and you'll jump up and greet me. And then we'll go for a long run together, and I'll rub your belly, and get your dinner, and we'll do that every day, and we'll be together forever.

I don't know if that will happen, though. I want it to happen. If it can happen, we will be together forever. If not, I'm very, very sorry.

I love you very much, Rikki. I love you as much as you love me. Good dog.

John